As Elementary Particle Physicists direct their attention "down" toward the indescribably tiny, so Cosmologists turn their gaze "upward" toward the unfathomably huge. Of course, these days both are increasingly likely to be incarnate in the same individual - I'll get to that later. As one who has never looked through a telescope larger than I could carry, I am certain to give short shrift to the magnificent observational science of astronomy, which provides cosmology (a theoretical discipline) with all its data. But a summary of the former without good colour plates of star fields and nebulae would be a terrible waste anyway, so I hope I have motivated the curious to go out and read a good Astronomy book on their own. Moreover, I am so ignorant of General Relativity and most of the fine points of Cosmology that I really have no business writing about either. Therefore I must content myself with a justification in terms of my "unique point of view," whereby I excuse the following distortions.