(with apologies to anyone who wants them)
- Go arrogantly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what happens to those who keep silent.
As far as possible without surrender, be on the right side
of all persons in high places...
- Speak your opinion loudly and rhetorically,
as no one is listening to the content; then glance at
your watch and leave hurriedly, lest you be obliged
to hear the stories of the dull and ignorant...
- Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are your main competition...
- When you are forced to compare yourself with others
you may become vain and bitter, for always the committees
will point out lesser and greater persons than yourself...
- Enjoy planning your future achievements,
and always keep others well informed of same.
Do not forget that committees have short memories.
Keep enthusiasm for your own research, however humble or pointless;
it is a convenient escape from the changing fortunes of time...
- Exercise caution in your academic affairs;
for the world is full of trickery. But let this not
blind you to what you might get away with; for many
persons strive for high ideals, and every
University is full of suckers.
- Work on your image.
Especially do not show affection for your students.
Neither feign delight; for in the face of all hope
and enchantment, cynicism is as perennial as the grass...
- Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the poverty and impotence of youth.
Nurture strength of ego to shield you in sudden disgrace.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness,
and you probably won't get caught...
- Beyond a superficial discipline,
be gentle with yourself and tough on others...
- You are a child of the University,
no less than the vegetables and superstars;
you have to write to be here.
And despite all the evidence of your senses,
no doubt the University is unfolding as it should...
- Therefore be at peace with compromise,
whatever you once conceived your purpose to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of academic life
keep a piece of the action...
- With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still the only show in town. Be cheerful.
Strive to be on top. Don't worry. Be happy.
- Jess Brewer -
Thu Sep 5 09:15 PDT 1996