Plant Rights
I am delighted to see People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals finally standing up for the humane treatment of fish (or "sea kittens" as they call them in their charming children's videos). As a fisherman I have long fumed about all the fuss over cuddly lambs when the noble salmon is treated as a mere slab of meat. Good for PETA!
However I am dismayed at their blatant animal chauvinism. Are there no People for the Ethical Treatment of Plants? Consider this: it has long been known that plants have Kirlian auras, appreciate good music, feel pain and can read the thoughts of those who mean them good or harm. And yet we think nothing of genetically engineering them into unnatural monstrosities, forcing them to grow in rows, feeding them chemicals, spraying them with deadly pesticides and then chopping them down in their prime or emasculating them by cutting off their reproductive organs, which we consume while they are still alive! The animals can at least run away, but the poor plants are utterly defenseless.
The next time you sit down for a meal of beans and rice, you should remember that you are consuming the unborn foeti of their parent plants. How do you think their mothers feel?
